I find myself fretting over the small stuff a lot.. I should really be making a long post gah..
Right now I’m watching Dredd 3D and scrolling through tumblr what a glorious combination.
I’ve noticed that I’ve fallen too hard for this guy and it needs to stop? I find myself changing bit by bit to accommodate to something i think he wants or needs in order to be useful. At times it gets to me? but I guess that’s where the need to be reassured that I am something to him, I guess that’s why I like making him jealous as it confirms that even just a little what I’m doing is somewhat right. Its stupid I know..
I tend to talk to spjerre about the random questions that just pop into my head or get triggered by reading stuff I don’t do it purposely it just feels that I can’t ask him anything with a serious topic behind it. He doesnt have to think about the stuff I ask about… at least not anything soon.
Like i asked spjerre how many kids he’d want in the future openly without any hesitation. But when it comes to him I’d have to think about the question in hand before I ask him. "Is that an awkward question?" "Hes young so he probably wouldn’t have thought about that shit" "Would asking it hint to him that i want something? Would asking him make him feel uncomfortable with me? Would asking him make him think i’m fucked up?"
That’s what I’m dealing with and it.. leads me to stutter and or not ask at all…
Not to mention that my side of the relationship seems to be more physical than mental but that’s my fault.. Id assume…
The worries of an old person in a relationship too stronk.